You might be happier than you think – Here is how you can find out.
A few years ago it suddenly struck me. I had a fantastic AHA moment. I had just put the kids to bed and was in bed myself as well, watching my favourite serie and looking through the hallway of my small apartment. I realised I was exactly where I wanted to be and doing exactly what I wanted to do. I realised the moment was perfect. The weeks, months or even years before I had felt the complete opposite!
I had felt broke, lonely and like a loser. Me and my kids were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment, my ex wasn’t supporting us financially, I had just ended yet another unhealthy relationship. I felt tired all the time and was just surviving day to day live.
Nothing had changed except my way of looking at the exact same situation!
I felt happy to be able to do exactly what I wanted. Nobody was waiting for me to finish the bed routine with the kids. So I didn’t feel rushed or irritated that it took them however long to fall asleep. I was totally relaxed. My tiny apartment all of a sudden felt like a warm, cosy and safe nest for me and my children. I felt so much gratitude for finding this home. I adored sleeping in the same room as my children. I still do. I wouldn’t want to miss it. It feels so natural to spend our sleeping time together. We feel like a tribe. I know their every sound and breath. I hear them talking in their sleep and I see reflected the things they are dealing with at daytime and how they congest this in their sleep. I feel like a lioness and they are my cubs. And when they are ready for more space I will lovingly create it for them. (Right now I am looking for a bigger apartment because I expect that within 1-2 years they will need more privacy). It really came down to a shift in my way if looking at the situation. I was fed up with being broke and all of a sudden I felt ambitious about finding ways to earn more money which wouldn’t lead to me spending less time with my children. Things became so much more clear to me in that moment. What a relief!
What can you do?
- Think about what truly makes you happy at this moment in your life? Not next year, not even next month. But right now? What things in your life would you not want to miss?
- Erase everything on your list that is a social/cultural should have. Like a big house, a marriage, amazing car or whatever. That is the Whateverrr list. Big deal. Fuck it. Do it your own way list. I’m thriving just fine thank you very much list.
(I felt so clear about adoring spending time with my kids. I realised how quickly they are growing up and that I might have only one or two years left with my eldest before he becomes a teenager with a life of his own. I don’t want to regret not being there with him. I enjoy picking them up from school and to get to know their school environment. I like to take them to swimming classes (even though it’s hot and uncomfortable) and to be there with them watching them progress. I wish I could do this every day of the week but I can’t. It’s my favourite activity right now in my life and I adore the moments I get to share with them. In the meantime I am making new friends wherever we go so I am having a lovely social life with like minded people with the same schedules and interests.)
Whenever I do feel like missing out on things in life (I actually hardly ever feel like this anymore) I remember myself I can do all sorts of great stuff when they are older. I thought yesterday it would be pretty exciting to learn how to fly a helicopter later in life. That thought fills me with so much joy and playfulness. It feels like anything could happen. I picture myself being a badass helicopter pilot with grey hair but with the laugh and sparkling playful eyes of a kid.
Be careful for the side effects!
Yes a warning…. Ever since I experienced the above I became a lot less depending on social contacts and a major shift in how I see situations. I have felt so many times so relieved to be single. I would hear girlfriends talk about relationship struggles, dominant partners, etc. and all I could think of was: I am so happy and grateful for my freedom! I often have to be careful not to give the advice to just break up and start living your own life instead of your partners’ life.
So I warned you! Blame me when you start to feel like a happy thriving super star riding the freeing waves of whatever you want. Unicorns and rainbows!